Despite being occasionally pessimistic in my own mind, I pride myself on always been optimistic, happy, and (if possible) humorous in my interactions with others. I'm the one who likes to give, to make others happy, to be patient and polite. I don't understand people who burden others with negativity when there are better ways to go through life. However, there are times in the writing world where being too kind is actually cruel. In the arena of giving criticism, honesty is key.
This is post one of two. First, I would like to address how to accept criticism graciously and then use it to strengthen your work and to grow in the process. In a future blog article, I plan to address how to give honest criticism. I think it is better to learn how to accept criticism before ones gives it.
I've said it before but I love my writer's group. I find them to be funny, insightful, creative, and honest - all of the necessary qualities a writer should be. One person said to me at the October meeting that she liked how I was open to receiving constructive criticism and how it made write more and that realization helped her to feel more comfortable being honest. She proceeded to tell me that she didn't care for one of the three short stories I had submitted to that month's session and then she told me why. And I agreed with her on every one of her points. They all made sense. I'm not trying to make points about myself here. I'm just trying to impart how an open mind and active listening is helping me to grow as a writer.
But getting and giving honest criticism doesn't always go so well.
Two occasions come to mind when I had to impart constructive criticism on another author and it was not well-received. The first time, I was teaching a creative writing class for adults and the students had handed in the first chapter of their WIP for that week's exercise. One adult student had written the first page of a murder mystery in which the main character was a former Vietnam-vet and army medic turned police officer. He finds the requisite dead body in chapter one (it was a mystery after all) and promptly acts the complete opposite of what the reader would expect: he threw up, walked away, swooned, passed out. She said she wanted to make him a vulnerable hero. All I could think of was how did this guy get through a war and medical school? Did he swoon and pass out all the time? I got the vulnerable part. I just didn't get the hero part. The author was immediately unwilling to take suggestions to make her character more believable. Internally, I questioned why she had signed up for a creative writing class at all if she felt she didn't need mentoring or instruction.
On the other occasion, a fellow writer gave me and two others a manuscript to read for a science fiction WIP. The three of us produced constructive criticism that said mostly identical things about plot and dialogue holes. The author was perturbed and thanked us for our feedback but didn't plan on taking it. This author then submitted the work to several places who all rejected it and cited the same plot and dialogue issues we had already pointed out. The truth could no longer be ignored and the author conceded and made the changes but not before burning opportunities with several agents and publishers.
As a writer, the only way to improve your writing is to listen to the reader and adapt when necessary. Yes, it is your creation but that doesn't mean that it can't be improved.
1.) Listen. Just take a breath and listen. You can't learn if you are talking at the same time.
2.) Write down what you hear. Paraphrasing or jotting down key words is fine. I like to write things down so that I don't remember them differently that what the speaker originally meant.
3.) Be an active listener. To quote Wikipedia: Active listening is a communication technique that requires the listener to feed back what they hear to the
speaker, by way of re-stating or paraphrasing what they have heard in
their own words, to confirm what they have heard and moreover, to
confirm the understanding of both parties.
4.) Don't be so sensitive. People aren't out to hurt you. Don't take constructive criticism as a personal attack. It's not.
5.) Resist the urge to be defensive or to lash back. To do so means you aren't listening (see #1); being an active listener (see #3); being too sensitive (see #4), and/or open to growth. If you are in a writer's group and you demonstrate defensiveness, you aren't going to be a treasured member, or possibly a member at all, for very long.
6.) Ask questions. Make sure the audience knew what you were trying to say. Sometimes this discussion clears up confusion early on.
7.) Go home and review what you were told. Which things need to be fixed? Which don't? Which just need to be better explained? I once wrote a short story where I thought it was clear that a particular character was being taken off to prison but my beta readers (critique group) were sure that person was taken away and killed by the armed guards. One short additional sentence and the confusion was cleared up.
8.) If possible, take the revisions back to original critique members to see if you understood what needed to be done.
9.) Despite all of the above, never make changes you, as the author, feel change the meaning of your work. Make changes to make it clearer not to make it someone else's.
10.) Keep writing. No matter the criticism you get, make sure it propels you to write more, not less.